It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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