Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
