the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
