i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
