I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
