I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
