how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize