i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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