hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize