she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
