nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
