honey bunches of taint.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
