she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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