The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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