He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
