did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
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