I am spending my child support on dildos
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
