My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Randomize
