im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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