i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
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