Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
He did a backflip because drugs
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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