I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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