More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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