I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Randomize
