Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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