My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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