in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Randomize