I feel like abortions should bother me more
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
