don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
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