and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
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