I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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