a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Omg I joined a choir last night...
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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