Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
then he tried to convert me to islam
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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