loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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