just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
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