I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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