Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
