even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize