btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
