im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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