Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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