Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Can I color on your dick again?
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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