if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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