Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
We left the knife in your bed.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
