you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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