So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize