dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
