he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
