why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize