as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
