Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
