Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
