Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
