Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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