therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
