Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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