And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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