Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Sex in the backyard? Check.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize