imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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