can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
