Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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