Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
he fucked my hip out of place.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Randomize
