sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
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