it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
