you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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