dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
