we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
