On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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