Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Randomize
