I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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